If Premier League clubs were Game of Thrones characters…

December 2nd, 2013

Game of Thrones Premier League

The Premier League and Westeros aren’t too different in all honesty. Different factions vying for an overall title/throne. Power, corruption, betrayal, deceit, war, murder, incest. And that’s just off the top of my head. It’s baffling why no one has compared them before.

Winter is coming.

 

Daenerys Targaryen Arsenal

Arsenal – Daenerys Targaryen

Languishing out in the wilderness for many a year, and now determined to win back the title that their ancestors won so convincingly. Initially laughed at as potential challengers for the throne by all, bar their most vehement supporters. Doubts even existed within their own camp – could this all just be another false dawn? That is, until news of a new addition – dragons (Özil) – filtered through. Inspired by the dragons, they’re carving out a reputation as genuine contenders. Yet doubts still remain. The dragons still need time to grow and adapt to their surroundings and losing key personnel on the way could derail the challenge before it has truly begun. Despite impressive performances so far, the race is far from over, and many are confident that sustaining such a run will be the true test, especially when the traditional big boys find their feet.

 

Maester Aemon Aston Villa

Aston Villa – Maester Aemon

Have been around since time immemorial. Most people consider them an important part of the throne’s history, but their influence has positively waned during recent years. Their old age seems to be getting to them. At times look refreshed and full of life; at others close to death.

 

Arya Stark Cardiff City

Cardiff City – Arya Stark

Small in stature but they pack a punch. Not afraid to go toe to toe with the big boys, but also guilty of childish naivety at times.

 

Tywin Lannister Chelsea

Chelsea – Tywin Lannister

Carved a reputation for themselves with the help of money – and lots of it. Never happy with their success. Stern and forceful, they have the ability to grind out results in the toughest of circumstances. Susceptible to bouts of arrogance. You’d be silly to bet against them.

 

Bran Stark Crystal Palace

Crystal Palace – Bran Stark

Crippled, in this dog-eat-dog world they won’t survive without help from others. Vulnerable.

 

Tyrion Lannister Everton

Everton – Tyrion Lannister

Despite a famous name, they have always been viewed as rather small and unimportant. However, due to an ability to punch above their weight, they draw admiration from many rival factions. Although they won’t challenge for the throne themselves, they certainly have the potential to influence its destiny. One-on-one they are a match for anyone.

 

Theon Greyjoy Fulham

Fulham – Theon Greyjoy

An established name, but they lack the power and influence to ever truly trouble anyone. Seen by many as weak. Going through a particularly bad patch at the moment.

 

Shireen Baratheon Hull City

Hull City – Shireen Baratheon

New character this season, but not particularly loved, hated or noticed by anyone. One of those who you wouldn’t miss if they weren’t there.

 

STannis Baratheon Liverpool

Liverpool – Stannis Baratheon

More obsessed by the throne than anyone else, in spite of the fact that they are only ever going to have an outside chance. They don’t garner much sympathy outside of their traditional stronghold and, due to some recent performances, even die-hard supporters are finding it hard to truly believe in the credibility of their challenge.

 

Jaime Lannister Manchester City

Manchester City – Jaime Lannister

Backed by impressive sums of money, they’ve managed to seduce people in a more impressive manner than their father Tywin. Their credentials are there for everyone to see. Some will say that the money has given them a rather large helping hand in life, but their skill is unquestionable. Suffered a chop rather recently, leaving many to wonder what the future held in store for them – but they’ve returned with a new fighting style and look as attractive as ever.

 

Robert Baratheon Manchester United

Manchester United – Robert Baratheon

Former King who, coming to the end of their reign, have become sloppy and somewhat pitiful. Lack direction. They got drunk on power and have suffered the consequences.

 

Bronn Newcastle United

Newcastle United – Bronn

Entertaining and unpredictable, you never know what you’re going to get. Have the ability to beat anyone, but are prone to lapses in focus. Easily distracted.

 

Samwell Tarly Norwich City

Norwich City – Samwell Tarly

Many predicted abject failure at the start of their journey, but they’ve held their own in a tough old world. Can be frustratingly inept at times, but have an inner strength and determination to prove people wrong. Worth more than the sum of their parts.

 

Loras Tyrell Southampton

Southampton – Loras Tyrell

The new pretty boys about town. Have many admirers due to their blend of swashbuckling style and confidence against bigger opponents. Not afraid to put up a fight, and nearly always look good while doing so.

 

Joffrey Baratheon Stoke City

Stoke City – Joffrey Baratheon

Universally hated. Even those closest to them have started to question their methods. The standard against which all evil must be measured. Particularly detestable on cold, wet Tuesday nights for some reason.

 

Beric Dondarrion Sunderland

Sunderland – Beric Dondarrion

Somehow escaped death last season, but their powers of recovery are becoming weaker. Surely not long now before they’re dead for good.

 

Renyl Baratheon Swansea City

Swansea City – Renly Baratheon

They portray an attractive exterior and are complimented by many for being pleasing on the eye. However, under the surface, one suspects a lack of substance and leadership.

 

Khal Drogo Tottenham Hotspurs

Tottenham Hotspur – Khal Drogo

Seemingly impressive both on paper and in the flesh at the outset, they haven’t lived up to their billing. For all their power and skill, they sometimes overlook the simple things – which can lead to them getting hurt. Even the smallest wounds can fester if not treated properly.

 

Davos Seaworth West Bromwich Albion

West Bromwich Albion – Davos Seaworth

True to their roots, they can sometimes ruffle a few feathers but remain rather uninspiring. Honest, steady, likeable and no frills.

 

Hodor West Ham United

West Ham United – Hodor

Simple, but don’t make claims to be anything else. What you see is what you get. Powerful at times, but relatively harmless and clumsy. Easily out-thought.

 

9 responses to “If Premier League clubs were Game of Thrones characters…”

  1. Jimmy says:

    While I love that you picked Stannis for Liverpool (I support both) it’s for the wrong reasons.

  2. cee ess says:

    Liverpool : House Stark

  3. Sharath says:

    I think Liverpool should have been Daenerys Targaryen. The reason being it’s been a long wait and now Liverpool have their young dragons- the attacking front three- who can destroy any opponent. The way they destroyed Everton, Arsenal, Manchester United and Tottenham only a team with dragons by their side could have done it.
    They once ruled English football but were knocked out of their perch. Liverpool will gather its forces and reclaim the throne that has traditionally been theirs.

    • That’s a great shout Sharath, love your suggestion about the 3 dragons. In my defence, a lot has changed since I wrote this at the start of December. I’m sure if I were to do another one nearer the end of the season there’d definitely be a few changes!

  4. JCNUFC says:

    Newcastle should be Joffrey’s fool- Noble in the start get’s a bit too pissed up, now ruled by a twat and a bit of an embarrassment.

  5. Vidal says:

    Liverpool is universally hated by all (Joffrey) but they’ll never have the throne so I guess inept Stannis is spot on. Great read

    • Thanks for the kind words Vidal. This season has had so many changes and twists that I’m sure most of the teams could now be paired with a whole number of different characters, especially considering I published this back in December.

      It might be worth me doing an updated version once the season has officially finished. It would be interesting to see how many of the pairings remained the same.

  6. TOM says:

    maybe it would be interesting to do which Game Of Thrones Houses are football teams.

    Arsenal – Targ
    Everton – Stark
    Man Utd – Lannisters
    Etc.

Leave a Reply